About

It all began on 5 May 1976 in North Dakota. I was born. I know this for a fact because I saw my live birth certificate. I keep a copy in case there’s ever a disagreement.

It wasn’t much of a shock to be thrust violently into a farm family of six kids (which would swell to seven in another nine years… oops!) outside a small town called Glen Ullin. I didn’t know any better. But now that I do, I still wouldn’t trade it for the world. I learned to play well with others. I learned to eat sparingly when there wasn’t a lot (it’s a proven fact I’d sit under the table when I was three and eat sticks of homemade butter), and I learned that endless days toiling under the scorching sun built character. All this I learned by the time I was five, then by that time I had developed my own opinions and refused to believe any of it.

My hand-me-down clothes were already fourteen years old by the time they got to me, the byproduct of being the first boy after enough years and four sisters. My family will deny it emphatically. I know the real story. I did some moving around, namely to Washington state, went to a few different schools and generally wasted time and space until I was about 16.

Let’s fast forward to Christmas of 1992. I was back in North Dakota after doing some hard time out west, and generally discombobulated. Dad and I were playing the swinging bachelor scene. I’d cook soup or spaghetti some nights and he’d cook other nights by taking us to the local greasy spoon. Ham steak and all you can eat salad bar was the supper of champions.

Our house was 16 miles to town. Some summers I wouldn’t see another soul other than Dad and my boss for a month. It was a simple life. It was a life without internet and email and cell phones and 500 channel cable TV. It was also one without predictable electricity or phone service. We had a furnace we would turn off if we left for the weekend so it wouldn’t back burn into the coal bin and take the whole house down. Our well was gravity fed from a nearby hill. When the storms cut the power we could at least shower. If the storm had stirred up too much sand off the bottom of the holding tank, we’d get a blast of dirt in the face until the pipes cleared and filters picked it up. Even our microwave had big turn dials and would run with the door wide open.

The yard was the warmest place when it turned 70 below with the wind chill, and it was no surprise to look out my basement room window and see cowhide pressed firmly against the glass for warmth. I wore long johns, denim jeans with a pliers on my belt, and five buckle, Lacrosse brand rubber overshoes. My insulated coveralls were the best. With a pocket T, a flannel shirt, and bandanna around my neck, I was prepared for anything the weather could throw at me. I even had the insulated cap with the ear flaps. I was, indeed, my father’s son. It wasn’t about fashion back then. It was about necessity. Function over form.

Things continued in just that way until I graduated. Five months later I had no choice but to do something with my life. I decided college was the answer. I enrolled in Electronics Technology at Bismarck State College and ran with it. I worked, rode my mountain bike, worked some more, and went to school. You’ll notice I didn’t say anything about studying.

I was a prep cook at a truck stop, a cook at a Badlands Bar and Grill, a cook (once again, go figure) at Sergio’s Mexican restaurant, and even did a brief stint at Little Caesar’s before Papa Johns finally took it over a few years later.

It was those crucial college years from ‘95-’97 when I fell in love with my cycling. This really was a necessity. I didn’t have a car. I went from those same coveralls and overshoes, to snow pants and a ski jacket, to full gortex by the time I graduated.

When graduation time came I knew that fixing VCRs at minimum wage wasn’t what I wanted to do, so I enlisted in the Marine Corps and shipped to boot camp in late July 1997.

But that’s a different story

Yesterday

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I didn't think it was possible to meet a bigger bitch than I am a bastard. Some people have a very selective sense of humor. Moody! [jaymekohler]
10:06pm via Twitter
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It smells like mouse shit in my office, because there's mouse shit in my office. [jaymekohler]
2:55pm via Twitter

February 7th

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The worst thing about being single on Valentine's Day is you were prob single during Superbowl too. Who the hell brought the chips and beer? [jaymekohler]
6:42pm via Twitter
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Filed my taxes. I'm rich BIATCH! [jaymekohler]
12:57pm via Twitter
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Insert inspiring quote here. [jaymekohler]
11:59am via Twitter

February 5th

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Today is a new day. I will not kill for pleasure. [jaymekohler]
8:04am via Twitter

February 2nd

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It's shitty when something shitty happens that puts me in a shitty mood. Makes my whole day shitty. Or in this case, the last six days. [jaymekohler]
5:31pm via Twitter

January 30th

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Some people you always tend to go back to. [jaymekohler]
12:33pm via Twitter

January 28th

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After being 20 min late and the last to show for my 1st accounting test, I was the 2nd to finish. Hold on to your butts... [jaymekohler]
7:06pm via Twitter
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2000mg of Vitamin C, 9 hours of sleep, lots of tea and water. Right as rain! [jaymekohler]
6:26am via Twitter

January 27th

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Who else is tired of the over-hyped Apple keynotes? Check out 1st ever iPod keynote. Looks more like a funeral. http://tinyurl.com/zz4hy [jaymekohler]
7:02pm via Twitter

January 26th

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10:34pm via Twitter
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Sick as a dog. My solace is my breasts aren't tender or swollen, so I know I'm not pregnant. [jaymekohler]
10:19pm via Twitter

January 25th

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Accounting 201, tonight you're my bitch. Booyah kashaw! [jaymekohler]
11:35pm via Twitter
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The salad/water/homework combo isn't going over nearly as well as the pizza/beer/movie does. Bollocks! [jaymekohler]
8:50pm via Twitter

January 24th

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The most curious thing about break-ups is how someone can say such horrible things, then beg the other person back. [jaymekohler]
8:45pm via Twitter

January 23rd

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9:14pm via YouTube
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Thinking about data manipulation. *sigh* [jaymekohler]
12:58pm via Twitter

January 20th

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Is it Spring already? "In a relationship" statuses are popping up like the plague. [jaymekohler]
6:00pm via Twitter

January 19th

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Please donate $$ to the Haiti cause! Just send me a check (or PayPal it) and I'll take care of the rest. Its that easy! [jaymekohler]
12:43pm via Twitter

January 18th

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I'm getting fat again. Damn you and your evil ways, pizza and beer! [jaymekohler]
4:28pm via Twitter

January 17th

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68 degrees and sunny! You can bet your ass I'm taking the hog out for a ride. [jaymekohler]
10:55am via Twitter

January 16th

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The RIGHT accounting book finally came... with a bottle opener as a free gift. Score! Looks like my luck is back on track. [jaymekohler]
4:10pm via Twitter

January 15th

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Supposed to be 65 degrees today, and I'm on duty. Kinda like being sick on a snow day. [jaymekohler]
10:44am via Twitter

January 14th

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Ordered the 'right' book for Accounting 1. Two days later it changes to a newer edition. Shitty... [jaymekohler]
7:13pm via Twitter

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  • The author.Born in the year of the Dragon, the author grudgingly accepts the fact he has too many interests and not enough time. A cyclist as long as he can remember, an avid yet inconsistent writer since age eleven, and a U.S. Marine since age twenty-one, the author also adds web design, snowboarding, and motorcycles to his list of interests. Incidentally, he is aware of his inability to make a living from any but the Corps. The author accepts this as fact and remains optimistic. Feel free to drop him a line.